Who am I to judge?

Here’s the deal.  I wax on and on about all of these things I believe in – horizontal teams, focusing on associates first, managers vs. leaders, victims, puppies, and so on.  I am passionate about these topics; I am passionate about the responsibility we have for our associates.  Yet, I worry.

I worry that I have posted several articles now, but I have not been forthcoming with my own shortcomings.

I haven’t paused to share my introspection.  I haven’t demonstrated my own humility.

1. In my life I have been accused of being arrogant, dismissive, walking over people, and so on.  I was first faced with this “feedback” by a classic, power-hungry, manager; someone whose inclination to lead rather than control is less than 0%.  It is null.  The chances of this person ever being revered, inspirational, or even just adored are null.  Less than zero.

It turns out I was failing to acknowledge the thoughts and opinions of others before I offered up my own perspectives.  In doing so, my coworkers felt as though I was dismissing them without regard, and dominating the conversations with my own opinions, and therefore I was arrogant.  I would feel the same way.

Much thanks to my brother-in-law for helping me understand.  (My classic monolithic manager couldn’t explain it, and was then literally mad at me when I resigned!) It was an invaluable lesson.  But to say I have overcome this challenge would be a lie.  I still struggle with hearing others out, but often because I feel like the problem is crystal clear before they finish or others have had a chance to weigh in.  Other times, I may quickly recognize that the problem they are describing is one I have seen before, and because of that, I may not entertain them as they talk/work through the problem.

In the end, it doesn’t change the fact that I can give others the wrong impression of my intentions – and in doing so I may alienate them.  It is my problem.

2. Regarding seeing straight through to the underlying issue, I have come to learn that many people need to have the opportunity to peel the layers of a problem away until they finally reach the root of it.  To complicate things, my delivery can be very candid at times, and I think sometimes the combination of my candidness combined with others’ unwillingness to take ownership for a problem can be a lethal mix.  I do work on it.

But, again, this is my problem – not theirs.

3. I don’t know how to articulate this one, so I will talk through an example of it.  ”Victims”.  I refer to people being victims a lot.  I use it as a catchall term which is a little sensational, a little dramatic, but is intentionally startling to move the notion into the front of someone’s conscience – and the word itself is one most people do not want to be labeled with.  The problem, however, is that some are more sensitive than others, and using a term like “victim” may immediately cause people to check out because of its negative connotation.

Yep. My problem, not theirs.

And there are others, but I do try to keep my posts relatively short.  Why?  Because I also don’t do well with too many words!  :)

I often use the analogy of a stewardess’ safety instructions when taking a flight; specifically, that passengers are instructed to put on their own oxygen mask before they attempt to help others.  My analogy is that you must help yourself before you can be of help to anyone else.

Managers, this applies to you.  If you aren’t growing. If you are continuously reinventing yourself and refreshing your skills.  If you aren’t engaged in your own growth and betterment, then how much help can you really be to your associates?

Like I tell my kids, over and over, “To be good at anything takes a lot of hard work, a lot of practice, and generally a lot of help and coaching.”  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that just because you have been in a management role for a long time that you are good at it.  Leadership is a craft.  You have to work at it.  You have to learn new skills.

The next time you are inclined to demand some sort of improvement from your team or an associate, ask the mirror if you can demonstrate how you have improved in your role.